01 February, 2015

Still a long way to go

Today was home practice.

Not much to say about the practice, but feeling frustrated that for all the practice I do, I'm still finding that peace, calm, happiness elude me. And it probably shouldn't surprise me, because much of me still believes I don't deserve them. The problem with not deserving them is that it means I don't allow them when they're available. Instead, my mind finds a way to be without peace, without calm, without happiness. The positive feelings come when I am not thinking about them. The moment. The only place to actually experience anything. Yet somehow I choose to dwell in past or future, coloring the moment from whatever palette of negativity is available.

There's a long way to go.

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