16 January, 2015

Last East Coast yoga for now

Today was home practice.

I had an hour to spare before heading to the airport for the trip back to Seattle. Just enough time to get in the day's practice, and I didn't want to miss the opportunity. It was a decent practice, but it's still definitely weird doing yoga in my childhood bedroom, especially because the wall that I face is now decorated with family photos, so I'm constantly facing these images of parents, siblings, nephews, aunts, etc. It's a little nutty, to be honest.

Looking forward to returning to the blanker slate of Shakti's yellow walls and calming (and warm!) environment tomorrow. I am sure that the heat will be a bit of a slammer after being away for a week, but it will still be good.

The trips home are a source of validation for me because I understand what's important when I'm there. To be there for family and to fulfill responsibilities and give someone a sense of being loved. There are times where I forget about this, and I become snippy with my dad, but I am trying not to cling to the memory of the moments that I snap at him, and to focus on the majority of the time where he is grateful for me to be there. And I am grateful to have these times to connect with him as well.

On one hand, I had some sadness that I didn't do this fully 30 years ago, and that I did not have the opportunity to have this deep of a connection in my mother's later years, though I did have a strong connection with her when I was young (which probably explains most of my neuroses, but that's another deal altogether). But on the other hand, I feel glad that I did this at all. With my sister gone, and my brother up in New Hampshire, I recognize where and how I am needed.

At times where I am wondering what the point of it all even is, I should recall this.

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