06 October, 2014

Hot yoga may be nearing its end for me

Today was vinyasa with Michel at Be Luminous.

Having been such a long time since my last hot yoga class, I knew it would be a strain to do 90 minutes in the heated studio, but I chose it anyway. But it started to hit me during the class that I am really not sure I want to do this anymore. It's not that I don't like the community of a practice in studio. But there are so many factors I can do without... the extreme heat, the crowded room with no space to move, the smells in the heated room of all various kinds, the loud music that often accompanies class, the sometimes-over-the-top energy with which the classes are taught. I think what I want from yoga is something more grounding. I often get it in classes, it's true. And I usually experience it for parts of a class, though not always for an entire class. But I don't like burning through so much energy that I don't even want to do the grounding portions of the class or stretching poses, because I am "all done," so to speak. I also know that perhaps I am giving up. I also know that perhaps today is just one of those days and I'll feel differently tomorrow. But then again, I also know that I might be moving to the other side of town pretty soon, where I won't be commuting past South Lake Union on my trek home, and it may not make sense to have a membership at a studio there. That will be a time for me to reevaluate if I'd rather pursue my practice entirely at home, or at an unheated studio, or some other option as yet to be determined.

I was good for about 60 minutes today. It was frying me, but I was good. But after we finished the last of the standing poses, Michel had us "rest" for a moment so she could talk about handstands (which I had neither the desire, nor the intention of doing). At that point, I went from Child's Pose to Savasana, and decided I was over and out, had enough, down for the count, not getting up. Even though there should have been no reason that I would not be able to participate in the remainder of the class, which consisted almost entirely of floor poses, many of which I actually enjoy and was somewhat looking forward to, I still opted to remain in stasis for the final 30 minutes of class.

I guess I gave up? But I just felt I'd had enough, and there's been some pressures on me lately that just had me feeling like I wanted to let go. So I did.

But then the sounds of the class continuing around me made me feel guilty, which I recognize is my choosing. Michel made some comments about people having to know the difference between being wise and resting when their body needs it, versus just deciding you don't feel like it. And I know which one of those I was today. But I guess I don't feel like I need to have a voice that sounds like judgment announcing that. The Baptiste method is supposed to inspire, but it often amounts to goading the students into working past their limits, almost like a drill sergeant.

Maybe this will pass...

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