14 October, 2014

Home practice and rolling with the changes

Today was home practice.

I kept it on the gentle side, focusing on the stretching and opening rather than on a million sun salutations today. The mindset for me right now is trying to "go with the flow" because I have encountered a lot of resistance (internally) over the last few weeks. I've struggled, battled, resisted, complained, lost motivation, and generally started seeing my life as not exactly the way I want it to be. And it becomes evident in so many areas.

Working on a song I've been recording... getting so close to finishing, but finding little things that I can't seem to get past, and stalling out rather than moving forward, and sidetracking myself. I even ended up completely sidetracking from the recording and mixing of the song on to a minor issue with my computer, where I found myself rat-holing on what type of backup hard drives to purchase, and worrying and laboring and struggling to figure out the best solution to a problem that had suddenly become EMERGENT in my mind, even though it wasn't really a problem, and wasn't really new or urgent at all. Whenever I start thinking along those kind of OCD lines, it usually has to do with resistance to other things.

Dealing with the uncertainty at work... I've been resisting diving into anything because of feeling like no path was clear. I have resisted finishing a few things that I've actually already done, because of... well, damn if I know why I have resisted. I found out that I need to travel again, and my initial reaction was extreme frustration and resistance. I was asked if I would be willing to take on a new, high-priority project, and my initial reaction was hesitation and caution.

There are some who would say I am not "Being a Yes."

Yes. It's true.

So I've made a conscious effort to try to shift that energy back into fluidity rather than rigidity. I agreed to go on that trip. I agreed to take on that project. I ordered a new backup hard drive to solve the most immediate of the concerns around my recording computer configuration (namely, having no backup system at all).

The way to get momentum is to start moving.

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