31 October, 2014

Starting again?

Today (last night) was home practice... again.

It was a standard Baptiste flow, with an emphasis on keeping the tempo up a bit to try to get a little heat going. Mission accomplished.

So, in other news, even though we hadn't seriously considered going right back out and looking at houses again, we decided to do it. We saw a couple of places today, and liked another one. It's possible, again, that we'll make an offer. It's a better house, in a better neighborhood, though not as close to all the action. I guess my intention to move forward must be stronger than I thought, since here I am doing it. It's hard not to get hopes, because to make the decision about buying a place, you pretty much have to picture yourself in it, and picture your life in the neighborhood. By definition, you're imagining that future, which is the essence of "hoping." So it means that one must become good at going there, and then being willing to let go if it isn't right.

I suppose it's a good form of practice. We learned lessons from the last round, and my eye is with higher scrutiny than before.

So here we go again. We'll see if this one launches, or if it's letting go again too.

29 October, 2014

Low ceilings

Home practice.

The ceiling in the family room downstairs at my dad's house is low. So a sun salutation involves the fingertips brushing the ceiling. And I am not a tall person. It changes things a little bit though, not all in a bad way. It makes one arch backward, reaching back rather than only up. So there's a bit of a stretch of the Psoas muscle even in the sun salutation. There probably is always supposed to be this stretch, but it gets lost. The ceiling can prove helpful in things like Tree or Dancer Pose, when one needs something to help stabilize while getting into the pose.

Today I wanted to make sure that I actually worked up a sweat, since several of my recent practices have been lower energy, more about stretching. The focus was good, and I did an intense enough Baptiste flow to get the sweat going, even in a room that is on the cold side of room temperature.

Tomorrow I return to Seattle. It was a good visit here. I think I've created some drama with respect to my work situation, and the home purchasing situation. Things are not nearly as unstable or dramatic as they sometimes seem.

The real purpose of this visit was to see family. And life is about finding some sort of purpose. I had a moment the other night where I was seriously pondering the question of "Why are we even here? What am I even doing with my life? What is the purpose?" But the purpose was right in front of me. It's just that I was trying to find a purpose in every single thing I was doing. Sometimes it's enough to be serving one good purpose, even if we're going through some motions for some of the time.

It is delusional to believe that every moment will feel optimized.

It is an art to recognize that every moment already is.

28 October, 2014

You'd think I'd have let go by now...

Tonight was home practice.

I'm not going to say much about the yoga, because it was just yoga. Started at 11:30pm, which was not optimal, but it was a fine practice of 30-40 minutes. I'm still focused on the "letting go of the house" thing. I've been going in waves, back and forth, between "over it" and "angry still." Thought I was over it, and then I got angry again, and realized that I could just write a big long blog entry about it, naming names, and soiling those who "harmed" me. Last night, into the wee hours, I wrote, until 2am, composing a full history of the episode that couldn't be interesting to anyone other than myself. I named the seller. I named the agent. I included the address of the house, the address of the construction project. The name of the neighbor. Basically, I included a bunch of things to increase the chances that someday, someone would Google something and find this blog. It was to be my alternative to taking fruitless legal action. I wrote it. I posted it. And then I thought about it. I realized that if I really pissed someone off, they could exact consequences on me. It could get messy. I thought about it some more. I decided to "unpost" the blog and leave it in draft mode and decide in the morning.

I woke up this morning, not completely over the angry, but also not completely over the "maybe this isn't a great idea" thing. I decided to remove the names of the seller and the neighbor, but leave everything else. And I posted it. I didn't write anything dishonest or libelous. I didn't even make any assumptions or accusations. I (think I) just called it like it is.

But I am also aware that this is all about me.

It's self-centered. It's reactive. It's not letting go. I am not practicing being with what is. I am not accepting that "This is what's happening" (as Lola would put it). I'm clinging (and releasing... and clinging... and releasing). In waves. I know I need to let go. I don't even want the house anymore, given the reality dose that I have ingested, both with respect to the construction and the issues with the house itself. But I still feel the sting of having had hopes.

Hope. Therein lies the rub. The high hopes got me into this clinging state of being.

And it's so damn hard to stop hoping, because hoping is kind of fun.

While it lasts.

26 October, 2014

Late is always better than early (and never)

Today was home practice.

I didn't start until around 11pm, but my body really doesn't seem to mind doing the yoga this late. Not a problem at all. It's painfully evident whether one is a morning person or a night person based on the yoga practice. I think I could do a power yoga class at 2am no problem. My energy is good once I'm awake, and I really don't fade or hit a wall. But I am a slow starter. I guess I get that from my mother. She would need to sit in darkness in the kitchen with her coffee for an hour before anyone else got up, so that she could have time to wake up alone without anyone speaking to her. I never understood how she could be such a monster in the morning, but I think I understand it better now.

And it's especially evident when I come home to visit, and I find myself needing to answer my father's morning questions. Nobody wants to answer questions in the morning. I don't even want to hear other people speaking in the morning, even if they're not speaking to me. This morning, I was getting coffee out of the machine at work, and there was someone else getting coffee, and they were in a conversation with one of their colleagues. The colleague was proudly not a coffee drinker anymore. And he was explaining in great detail how he gave up caffeine and has been feeling so much better since he stopped drinking coffee. The last thing anyone needs to hear when they're waiting for their coffee is someone else pontificating about their recovery from caffeine. I wanted to hit him over the head.

And that's why there is the yoga mat.

Not a morning body

Today was home practice.

It was 9am but my body felt like it was 6am due to the time difference to Boston. My body felt extremely uncooperative probably also from stiffening during my flight yesterday. Everything was tight and heavy. Especially my upper back and hamstrings. I did the best I could and kept it mellow. As I neared the end of the 30-35 minutes, things started to improve, and I felt a bit of movement coming back. But it was not pleasant.

I am still having a hard time letting go over the thing with the house.

Found out today that the house, which was back on the market, already has sold again. Surely, it has sold to yet another prospective buyer who is unaware of the construction that will be happening next year. It makes me angry, and I am not really sure why. I guess what makes me most upset is that I got my hopes up for something that was not real. I guess the strength of emotional responses is not based on absolutes, but on relatives. We were on a relative high because we thought we'd be moving to this new place, in this new neighborhood. Perhaps the lesson is to not get ones hopes up... but it's so difficult to not get excited about things. The challenge, then, it would seem, is to not resort to "reacting" and wanting to send that in others' direction when the consequences of a false hope come to roost. It's not really the seller's fault that I am unhappy. Well, maybe it is, maybe it isn't. They didn't tell me everything I should have known, but they didn't make me unhappy.

This is boring.

The point is to say that I am still trying to work through this...

23 October, 2014

Moving forward

Today was home practice.

I already wrote my big long bit about what's been happening off the mat. Tonight I did a quick practice, even though I wasn't feeling excited to do it. Nothing hurts, but my mind is abuzz with continuing to process the events of the day. And I am (on top of that) getting ready to fly to Boston tomorrow for a week. I really wish things were slowing down, but they're actually going to busy over the coming months. Less busy than before, without an upcoming move and home sale. It still seems like a lot, which probably should make me realize just how much more I had coming than I really needed.

The practice was very short and very sweet. I did limited Baptiste series, about 30 minutes. I did my favorite poses, I won't lie. But some days, getting oneself to do only one's favorite poses may be better than no poses at all.

I am already moving forward. There may be slips backward, but the net motion is positive.

Letting go is not easy to do

Off the mat.

I was going to buy a house, but now I'm not.

We had an offer accepted, we did the inspection. We did all the right things. At the last moment, before we had to send our request for repairs from inspection and pass "the point of no return," I learned from a neighbor that there's going to be a big giant apartment building right in my backyard. The seller didn't tell us. It would have resulted in huge construction, noise, and almost complete loss of sunlight for a big chunk of the year. I was lucky to find out. We backed out of the offer.

The seller should have disclosed this. Technically, they're probably required by law to have disclosed this knowledge. But they didn't. And it cost me time and money. And it also cost a lot of getting our hopes up. We were excited for a new place in a new neighborhood.

I spent yesterday coming to grips with the fact that this was no longer a house we wanted.

But I'm spending today getting angrier and angrier at the seller for not having disclosed this information. We know that she knows, for reasons I won't describe. I feel bad for whoever ends up buying the house, because they probably won't know until it's too late.

Now I am mad and having angry thoughts about wanting to take the seller to court for all of my inspection costs... but I know that this is not "letting go." And I know that this would go badly, and it would only have a tiny level of reward for me. It is not necessary. I want someone to be punished for my misfortune. But there's not a lot of mileage to be had in that emotion: revenge. I know I just need to let go and move on. There were lessons here, and the outcome was as positive as it could be, given what happened. I might have not found out until next week (too late), or next year.

I want to take away from this the lessons that I learned, and see it as "$700 is not a bad price to pay for some life lessons that will stay with me." But then I think about someone trying to trick someone... trying to leave a "problem" on someone else's hands to save their own financial misfortune of owning a property that's about to become less desirable. And that sense of justice makes me start clinging all over again.

I want to have some control over the seller's choices. I want to make her do the right thing. But I don't have control. I can't make her do the right thing. And, ironically, she might come out of this mishap better off than she was, because this time they'll only accept an offer that waives the inspection. The next buyer probably won't have the opportunity to back out if/when they learn of the construction.

Still clinging... but it's not my problem anymore...

Letting go is the only sensible option. And that is always the case.

21 October, 2014

Gentle practice today. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Home practice.

How was that for a boring title. This was a practice from 2 days ago. I was still in the throes of the home purchase process that imploded over the last two days. I don't think there's anything I can say about it that will be insightful. I kept it gentle. Got deep into the hips and did a lot of stretching, rather than doing much exertion.

It is the past. It is not now. Next.

20 October, 2014

Trying to keep the practice going through trying times too

Home practice.

This week has been a bit crazy with going through the process of buying a home. I'm writing this blog about a class from 3 days ago, so the moment is kind of lost. In fact, the home I was in the middle of buying fell through because of things you can read about in a different blog entry (Thursday's entry). It is a time to try to stay centered and calm, but I am not sure that I really did. I think I hastily moved forward on a decision because I got caught up in the excitement, and lost my center. I didn't practice over the weekend, which is not a crisis, but I usually try to practice.

I don't know what else to say about the past. I can't recapture whatever I was feeling 3 days ago. It was radically different from what I feel now, so the best thing would be for me to practice tonight and then write what I'm feeling now, don't you think?

17 October, 2014

If you're only going to take one hot yoga class in a week...

Today was vinyasa at Be Luminous with Elizabeth.

It had been 8 days since my last hot yoga class. Actually, it's now been 7 more days as I write this, since I am behind on my blog entries. Last Friday, actually, is when I took her class. As you know, I've been shying away from the hot yoga. But this was a fantastic class. Deep, slow, focused, with great energy. It makes me want to keep going to classes with great teachers. But this past week I just haven't had the inclination to go to the studio.

I didn't have my yoga towel with me, so I ended up using one of the jade mats at the studio, knowing that my manduka would be way too slippery without a towel. But I had to try to convince myself not to sweat too much nonetheless. I am not sure that mind over matter really works when it comes to perspiration, but I did the best I could. Wearing a t-shirt helped.

I won't probably take a hot yoga class for another week, since I am headed to Boston. But you never know. Maybe I'll drop into a studio in town.

Otherwise it will be yoga at my father's house.

16 October, 2014

Wide swing tremolo

Today was home practice vinyasa.

There's not much to say about the practice, other than the fact that I did it, in spite of today being a big day, and the last 24 hours being pretty big emotional swings. I was going to skip it and go out to dinner (to celebrate), but my girlfriend actually said to me "You need to do the yogas." That's a good partner. Keeping me honest even when it would have, on the surface, seemed better to say "Yeah, let's go out!"

So yesterday, we made an offer on a house. It was not entirely unexpected that such an event could occur, but it happened yesterday, and it was a bit more exciting of an opportunity than I even expected it could be. But we didn't know if our offer would be accepted, because you know how the market is right now in Seattle. Last night, I went to sleep not knowing what the outcome would be. I didn't sleep very much or very well. I was so wired, I was in bed looking at my phone, looking up the sex offender map for the neighborhood, not because I was worried about sex offenders, but because what else can you do when you're wired and can't sleep and have potential exciting things on the horizon?

Woke up this morning to learn that there was one other offer on the house. So we had to do the Seattle thing where you add in the statement that you'll increase your price to beat other offers, and all that. But we still didn't know what was going to happen. The seller was supposed to get back to us by noon, but that didn't happen. The realtor told me to assume that the other offer was probably better. But as the day went by, we found out that our offer was better and that it would likely be accepted. And then it was accepted. We also found out that there ended up being several other offers, but the seller chose ours because not only was it the best offer (among several similar offers), but we also seemed most excited about getting the place. And that couldn't be more true.

So after last evening being spent in a mind-racing wondering frenzy, and today being spent preparing myself for the potential negative outcome (which really would have been okay, I told myself, and it's also true), not to mention the fact that work was bizarre on a variety of levels of chaos, this evening ended with a joyous fantasizing about what it's going to be like to live in this new place in this new part of town. What type of furniture will we want? What will the garden look like? Where will we go for coffee? How far of a walk is the movie theater? (10 minutes)

Yet, in spite of all that, there is the yoga.

That is the practice.

14 October, 2014

Home practice and rolling with the changes

Today was home practice.

I kept it on the gentle side, focusing on the stretching and opening rather than on a million sun salutations today. The mindset for me right now is trying to "go with the flow" because I have encountered a lot of resistance (internally) over the last few weeks. I've struggled, battled, resisted, complained, lost motivation, and generally started seeing my life as not exactly the way I want it to be. And it becomes evident in so many areas.

Working on a song I've been recording... getting so close to finishing, but finding little things that I can't seem to get past, and stalling out rather than moving forward, and sidetracking myself. I even ended up completely sidetracking from the recording and mixing of the song on to a minor issue with my computer, where I found myself rat-holing on what type of backup hard drives to purchase, and worrying and laboring and struggling to figure out the best solution to a problem that had suddenly become EMERGENT in my mind, even though it wasn't really a problem, and wasn't really new or urgent at all. Whenever I start thinking along those kind of OCD lines, it usually has to do with resistance to other things.

Dealing with the uncertainty at work... I've been resisting diving into anything because of feeling like no path was clear. I have resisted finishing a few things that I've actually already done, because of... well, damn if I know why I have resisted. I found out that I need to travel again, and my initial reaction was extreme frustration and resistance. I was asked if I would be willing to take on a new, high-priority project, and my initial reaction was hesitation and caution.

There are some who would say I am not "Being a Yes."

Yes. It's true.

So I've made a conscious effort to try to shift that energy back into fluidity rather than rigidity. I agreed to go on that trip. I agreed to take on that project. I ordered a new backup hard drive to solve the most immediate of the concerns around my recording computer configuration (namely, having no backup system at all).

The way to get momentum is to start moving.

13 October, 2014

New teacher, new studio

Today was vinyasa with Lia Hall at The Seattle Bouldering Project.

Lia is a friend whom I met through my girlfriend. I went to her wedding. It's the first time I have ever taken a yoga class with someone whom I met previously not through yoga. It's nice to see the face and hear the voice of a friend instructing.

The studio is kind of interesting because it's primarily catering to climbers, and the clientele in the room were distinctly different from the standard yoga class population. It was crowded, but not chaotic. The music was quiet. Lia's voice is calming and steady, much as it is in all other contexts where I have interacted with her. The class was quite difficult, with lots of Crescent Lunges.

It was interesting to be in a different place. My body didn't fully cooperate with the sequences, because it's tough for me to transition through some of the moves that were repeated. Warrior II to Crescent Lunge is one that I have difficulty with. It challenges my balance, and also is tough on the ankle where I have the continuing pain. But I did the best I could and focused on my breath.

Even without heat in the room, I sweated a lot. I guess I generate a lot of heat.


12 October, 2014

A year older, a day wiser...

Today was home practice.

I did a standard Baptiste series, abbreviated.

Yesterday was my birthday. I've been practicing yoga about 3 years now. It's hard to believe how quickly the time has passed. I regularly wonder if I have progressed in the practice, or just slid sideways after the rapid growth in the beginning. But I know that growth is more like tectonic shifts, not like weather patterns. Sometimes the body is advancing. Sometimes the mind is advancing. Sometimes things completely imperceptible are advancing.

I guess the big shift in this past year has been toward doing more and more of a home practice. That's a kind of growth, in that my discipline and commitment is no longer dependent on "Is there a class that I can take today?" It's changing my goals about my practice, and it will likely open me up to new teachers and new experiences. It has already opened me up to revisiting past teachers from whom I had learned much.

Things are always changing. I keep wondering if there will be a time where everything feels completely stable and "This is what life is." But I don't think it ever happens. Change is the one constant. I decided to practice so that I could be more present and find a kind of sustainable fitness.

The practice today was pretty good, though I did want for it to be finished. No particular reason, just a bit wanting to be done today.

Last night I had one of the worst headaches I can recall. It was bad enough that I didn't sleep in the bedroom, took 7 ibuprofen in about 3 hours (and yes, I know that's not a great idea, and no, it didn't get rid of the headache). I have no idea why I got the headache. It was not from alcohol. It was not from dehydration. It didn't feel like a tension headache. I have no idea what a migraine feels like, so I can't tell you if it was or not. I only know that I don't want to feel it again. When I woke at 4am, it was gone, and the last 4 hours of sleep were among the most wonderful hours I've experienced in a long time.

There's nothing as peaceful and contenting as the absence of recent pain.

10 October, 2014

Going out of my way to not go to the studio

Today was another home practice.

I am doing my best not to get into thinking in absolutes, and saying "I am not doing any more hot yoga" because I am sure that I will, and this is a phase. But right now, my body and my brain are not enthusiastic about going to the hot studios. I could start rationalizing to you and giving you the thousand reasons I have given to you a thousand times before. But I don't need to justify it. Right now, I am doing what I want to do.

I may take a class on Monday with a friend who is a yoga teacher. I've never taken her class before, but thought it might be fun.

Today's practice was vinyasa, but on the slightly lighter side. No chair poses. Focused a little more on the stretching, since I am still quite sore from the Ali Kamenova video the other day.

This weekend is my birthday. I am not excited about birthdays, and generally deny myself and others the right to celebrate. I am not sure why I feel that way. Just don't like having attention drawn to myself. Except, obviously, in that I write blogs on the internet and desperately hope that millions of people (or five) will read them. So it's a weird kind of plea for attention. Remote attention. That's actually more apropos to my life than you can possibly imagine.

I'll celebrate my birthday by going to the Boeing Factory Tour, and then looking at some old WWII airplanes at a Paul Allen museum in Everett. That's the way I like to do things.

09 October, 2014

Jumping jacks

Today was vinyasa home practice with Ali Kamenova.

It was kind of a crazy class. Not highly untraditional, but to achieve the "cardio" goal that she promised, there were lots of chair poses, and lots of jumping and squatting. I am not sure it was exactly what I needed, but it wasn't a bad idea. Don't think I'll do this particular one again, though, because it doesn't really feel like yoga.

07 October, 2014

No need to decide this right now

Today was gentle yoga with Elizabeth at The White Studio.

I think I've said it before, but it's a perfect antidote to a really intense power yoga class. The space, the energy, the peacefulness.

Elizabeth mentioned how one of her students was having a tough time at work and was trying to make a decision about whether to stay or leave her job. Elizabeth's question to the woman was "Do you really need to decide right now?"

And that sort of reminded me that so many of the things that I struggle with are decisions that have become urgent for me, even though they are not urgent at all. It's just that when my brain starts running an analysis, it feels like there needs to be a decision and an action immediately, so that I can neatly close it up and move on to the next thing. But that's fiction. Not required.

For example, the decision about whether I will keep doing hot yoga or not. I don't actually ever need to make that decision. I may need to make a decision (not yet) about whether I will renew an annual membership somewhere, or choose some other payment method. But that decision doesn't need to happen until that time comes. The emotional attachment is that I had a bad experience, and I wanted to react. Decisions are a way for us to react to the world. "If the world does this to me, I will do that!"

Usually the urge to take that action subsides, and often it subsides very quickly.

I made a bad decision the other day. Actually, before I tell you that story, I should back up and tell you about a book I have been reading. It's called "Thinking Fast and Slow." It's by a behavioral economist. It's very good. In one part of the book he is talking about how, when people have only good options, they tend to be risk-averse, whereas when they have only bad options, they tend to be risk-seeking. What does that mean? Here's an example.

Let's say I gave you two choices:
  1. I give you $900.
  2. You play a game where you have a 90% chance of winning $1000 (but a 10% chance of winning nothing).
Which do you choose? Well if you're like most people, you take the $900 and call it good.

Instead, consider this set of choices:
  1. You pay a fine of $900. 
  2. You contest the fine and you have a 90% chance of losing $1000 overall (but a 10% chance of getting out of paying the fine).
Which do you choose? Well if you're like most people, you take the gamble.

So why is the choice the opposite in each case? Read the book and find out why :)

But to my point about the bad decision...

Meh. Actually, maybe I don't need to tell you about my bad decision.

06 October, 2014

Hot yoga may be nearing its end for me

Today was vinyasa with Michel at Be Luminous.

Having been such a long time since my last hot yoga class, I knew it would be a strain to do 90 minutes in the heated studio, but I chose it anyway. But it started to hit me during the class that I am really not sure I want to do this anymore. It's not that I don't like the community of a practice in studio. But there are so many factors I can do without... the extreme heat, the crowded room with no space to move, the smells in the heated room of all various kinds, the loud music that often accompanies class, the sometimes-over-the-top energy with which the classes are taught. I think what I want from yoga is something more grounding. I often get it in classes, it's true. And I usually experience it for parts of a class, though not always for an entire class. But I don't like burning through so much energy that I don't even want to do the grounding portions of the class or stretching poses, because I am "all done," so to speak. I also know that perhaps I am giving up. I also know that perhaps today is just one of those days and I'll feel differently tomorrow. But then again, I also know that I might be moving to the other side of town pretty soon, where I won't be commuting past South Lake Union on my trek home, and it may not make sense to have a membership at a studio there. That will be a time for me to reevaluate if I'd rather pursue my practice entirely at home, or at an unheated studio, or some other option as yet to be determined.

I was good for about 60 minutes today. It was frying me, but I was good. But after we finished the last of the standing poses, Michel had us "rest" for a moment so she could talk about handstands (which I had neither the desire, nor the intention of doing). At that point, I went from Child's Pose to Savasana, and decided I was over and out, had enough, down for the count, not getting up. Even though there should have been no reason that I would not be able to participate in the remainder of the class, which consisted almost entirely of floor poses, many of which I actually enjoy and was somewhat looking forward to, I still opted to remain in stasis for the final 30 minutes of class.

I guess I gave up? But I just felt I'd had enough, and there's been some pressures on me lately that just had me feeling like I wanted to let go. So I did.

But then the sounds of the class continuing around me made me feel guilty, which I recognize is my choosing. Michel made some comments about people having to know the difference between being wise and resting when their body needs it, versus just deciding you don't feel like it. And I know which one of those I was today. But I guess I don't feel like I need to have a voice that sounds like judgment announcing that. The Baptiste method is supposed to inspire, but it often amounts to goading the students into working past their limits, almost like a drill sergeant.

Maybe this will pass...

05 October, 2014

Practice in action, and letting go

Today will be home practice with Ali Kamenova video.

Not sure which one, since I haven't done the practice yet, but wanted to share what's been on my mind for today, as it relates to what we strive toward in our practice: being okay with what is... letting go... non-attachment... There are lots of different ways of saying it.

Decided recently that perhaps we'd move forward with looking for a new home in another part of town. Today was the first day going out to look at houses. I've done this before. For any of you who have, you know that it's a mixed bag. Sometimes you see lots of garbage, sometimes you see lots of great things that are wrong in one small way or another, or are out of the price range. I didn't expect that we'd even see anything worth nothing on this first day out. But as it happens, we saw "the perfect house." It had an amazing fenced yard with beautiful landscaping. It was in a great part of Ballard on a quiet beautiful street. The interior was exactly what we wanted, with the right amount of space -- not too much, not too little. And the price was better than we could have imagined, even with the knowledge that we'd likely need to go over the asking price to get it.

We actually thought, "Wow... we could actually make an offer on this!"

So our realtor contacted the listing agent, and it turned out that the place sold last night, after only 1 day on the market, and that it sold for a little over the asking price. One of those things where maybe, just maybe, had we been a day earlier, that might have been our house. There are a lot of other reasons why it might not have happened, but one can see the possibility.

In the past, I might have become super-bummed about this. And, of course, it is a small disappointment. But it was never ours. I choose to take it as an encouraging sign that, if we found something that fit our interests that quickly, we'll find something else. This was not a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. And it was never ours to have.

It's good to remember that, and I think that the practice helps one be alright with these things much more fluidly. The pose is over.

With that, it's time to start the actual practice...

It was a little bit of an unsteady practice today because she did a lot of Level 2+ moves, most of which I modified or skipped. But it was still decent, and continued to feel good doing the home practice. 

I guess I have a lot less to say about what happened on the mat than off the mat.

04 October, 2014

Continuing to avoid the studios and the heat

Today was home practice.

I thought I would try to go to the studio both days this weekend to "push myself" since I realized I haven't been to any studio since the Thursday before last, when I had the challenging experience in Tina's class. I guess part of the aversion was due to my being sick most of the week. But now I am finding, more often than not, that I am looking for reasons to do yoga at home, rather than looking for reasons to do it at the studios.

Today was a pretty standard Baptiste flow with only minor variations. About 45 minutes.

No words of philosophical wisdom to share. Sorry.

02 October, 2014

Almost back to normalish

Today was home practice.

I did a regular Baptiste kind of class today. At home. No videos. No frills. I even did Wheel pose, if you can believe, though it was pretty feeble, even for Mick Feeble, and my shoulders didn't have a whole lot of openness in them.

Even though I've been sick this week the energy was almost back to normal.

Trying to be okay with what is... speaking of the ongoing ambiguity with respect to my work situation. It has already been making me anxious, and then today I was told that there will be some sort of announcement to my team that will apparently affect us in a way that will require people to want to "discuss" it. Drama is the word of the year. And I have enough problems trying not to create it in my own head. When someone else gives me Drama Seeds, I have more than enough water to make them sprout.

So tonight I will go to sleep wondering what news tomorrow will bring. Last time this happened it was that my manager was quitting. It was less apocalyptic than I'd expected. This time, it probably won't be a manager quitting, since it's my new manager. But it could very well be finding out that I'll have a different manager, or that I'll be working on a different project. No telling, really.

Or maybe it will be nothing. Sure fun to worry about it though.

But there was no worrying on the mat, at least...