25 September, 2014

Unusual irritation with circumstances

Today was vinyasa with Tina at Be Luminous.

I've mentioned that I often have reluctance to going to Tina's class, because I know it will be very challenging, but that I always feel amazing after I go. This time, it was a struggle from start to finish, and I didn't end up as thrilled with the situation as usual. Perhaps it was a reflection of the energy I had at work the entire week, feeling like things were not in sync, and like my purpose was unclear, chaos high, and productivity low...

Class was crowded, because it was a free class. And there were several yoga teachers in attendance, including Carley. A guy next to me pointed out that he anticipated that Tina was going to crush us today because of all the teachers in the class. I was skeptical, but it turned out he was correct. It was an unrelenting class, with over-the-top rapidity of the flow sequences. She managed to fit at least a normal 75 minute class worth of material into an hour, perhaps even 90 minutes. That was accomplished by racing through some sequences, such as transitions from Revolved Half Moon to Half Moon at a rate that could not possibly have allowed very many people in the room to "land" either pose. All this with the music playing so loudly that I could not hear Tina's instruction for parts of the class, and I also could not hear my breath (and consequently never really had the usual breath control that I strive to have).

Near the end of class, I'd decided that I was done. Skipped the Wheel, the Tabletop, the Fish, the Spinal Twist. Did the Pigeon. You know... the usual for me. Tina seemed to notice that I was pooped out, and she came and massaged my shoulders for a moment. After class, she asked me how I was doing and if I was okay. And, it turns out, I was okay. Though I was starting to get pretty irritated during class, and having thoughts like "I'm not coming to a yoga studio anymore! I'm just gonna do my own practice at home from now on!" Those thoughts dissipated quite fast.

Not every class is going to be to my liking. I am sure there were many people who absolutely loved that class. We all have preferences, and we don't always get to be in control of how things go. Especially when participating in a group activity. I can run the other way, or I can recognize that this was yet another situation where I had to find a way to keep my cool when the situation around me felt chaotic. I think I create less drama for myself in these situations than I used to create. But not zero. Will I ever get there? Do I need to get there?

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