14 June, 2014

Seeing the rough edges

Today was vinyasa with Chelle.

It's a Basics class. And, as I often find myself doing, I wanted to do the Chaturanga and Upward Dog poses, even when Chelle was calling out Low Cobra, and putting our knees down. There are reasons why I want to do it: 1) I like rolling over the tops of my feet, which is absent from the modified version, and 2) I don't usually feel the need to take the easier version.

But today, Chelle made a very clear point to the class, saying "I am going to ask everyone to please follow the instructions that I am giving, even if you are used to doing something different." And, though I wasn't looking all around the room, I think it may be the case that she was talking directly to me.

And I thought about that for a moment. My first thought was "Why is she telling me to do the modified version?" I started to wonder if it was about being in control of the class? But then I wondered, "Am I being an asshole for doing upward dog when everyone else is just doing what she said?" I wondered if maybe my ego is in the way, and I am taking some advantage of this being a basics class, and showing off, "Wow! Look what I can do!" I don't think I am heavily driven by that energy, but perhaps there's an ego aspect to not want to take modifications that I don't feel are necessary.

But I did what she said anyway and decided it didn't really matter why she said it.

But I also thought about how I have a tendency to not want to take the exact instruction of others, either in terms of yoga teaching, or in terms of any particular type of administrative guidance. I don't like being told what to do, except when I do like being told what to do.

The fact that this got me thinking is probably the most interesting part of it.

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