13 June, 2014

Barely made it, but made it

Today was vinyasa with Elizabeth.

I forgot class started at 4. My mind was aiming for 4:30. So, I left work with the goal in mind of doing the 4:30 class over in my neighborhood. I'd really wanted to go to Elizabeth's class, but reality was not going to allow for it. I left work at 3:47. And it turned out that I made it to Elizabeth's class. A drive that usually takes 25 minutes, and sometimes takes 40 minutes, but this time it took me 11 minutes. 

There's a lesson in here, I guess. And it's one that happened to me off the mat too, in my panics leading up to recent studies in the lab at work. It doesn't do any good to panic about whether or not you're going to make it. Either you will, or you won't. 

Today, I chose to be indifferent to whether I made it or not, and the impossible became possible. It's not to say, in this instance, that attitude affected anything. But I spared myself a lot of discomfort by recognizing that it was not important how this one turned out. More often than not, it's much less important than I believe it to be, since I have a long history of feeling like everything is infinitely important.

She asked us at the beginning of class what we would be doing with our lives if we were independently wealthy, but we still needed to show up at some job for 8 hours a day. I didn't have to think long, and I said "I would still be making pizza." I am not actually sure if that's true. I don't know if I'd be doing this, or making pizza, or becoming a personal planner, or who knows what? I really don't know. It's the kind of thought exercise that probably doesn't matter, since I am not independently wealthy and I don't expect to become so anytime soon. Maybe we're supposed to strive toward living our lives as we would if money didn't matter?

That, I do not know.

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