10 November, 2013

This is definitely a down phase

Today was vinyasa with Alice.

I have to say that it's definitely a down phase. Hurting more often than not. Unmotivated about work more often than motivated. Feeling more socially isolated than connected. I suppose it is the season. November is not typically thought of as a "happy month." The days are getting shorter. And I have seen these cycles before.

And, AHA! If l look back one year, I was indeed in the exact same place. Things were hurting more, I was slogging through injuries, nursing it, struggling, and growing darker with the season. For reference, here's an entry that was typical of the period:


A particularly relevant quote:

"I have been in a negative place lately. A bit of regression. Seeing the bad in the world. Focusing on the negative in my life and in those around me. Obsessing over the bad news in the media. Dark. Dreary. Heavy."

That is quite interesting, and perhaps exactly why I set out to write this blog in the first place. Merely having that data point to reference provides me with something that I can clearly point to, and say "Don't worry... this happens each year... it shall pass."

Alice has been doing a lot of Crescent Lunge lately. Maybe she has always done that, but I have been noticing it a more of late. I'm having a hard time with balance in Crescent Lunge. I don't think this was a problem for me a year ago. I would say that the pose is becoming more difficult for me. The reason this scares me is because it makes me wonder if something in my spinal cord is damaged that is affecting strength in whatever muscles are involved in the side-to-side balance. Outer hip muscles. And that is also consistent with what the physical therapist told me, about my outer hips being weaker than normal. I realize this probably just all sounds paranoid, but it's very evident in the poses.

As class wears on, I find myself longing for the end. My energy is off. Just want to be in one long Savasana. One long sleep.

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