07 November, 2013

Breaking the usual patterns

Today was power vinyasa with Tina Templeman.

At the start of class, Tina was sitting quietly at the back of the large room, facing the Buddha statue. The doors were open between the two rooms, so there was a lot more space than usual today. The room also was not as hot as it sometimes is, perhaps because of the extra time it takes to heat the larger space. When class started, Tina announced that she didn't have many words for us today. With that, we launched into a pretty intense practice. The intensity derived more from the unpredictability than the sheer fire of it. Among Tina's few words were some points she made about breaking our usual patterns. She spoke indirectly about Samskara, without calling them by their name. We started class on our backs with a very intense abs practice. She asked us what we do when things get hard.

I was in a pretty good space today, though my low back has been hurting a little bit more the past couple of days, and I am still feeling the residual effects of Jennifer Fu's Blitzkrieg from Tuesday.

I have been experiencing difficulty just setting myself down and getting shit done lately. Especially finishing things. And especially anything that just requires patient, methodical, slogging through things. I keep hunting for distractions. Anything to think about other than what I should be thinking about. And I don't understand why. I see this show up a little bit on my mat. When we near the end of a class, sometimes, I will just find myself dreading the thought of Pigeon, or spinal twists, and occasionally being defiant about them, and simply refusing. And these are not even poses that are challenging. I don't even dislike them. But I find myself resisting, and I wonder if it's related. The finishing stages of something don't hold the same attention as the heavy lifting.

I find myself not even keeping the commitments to focus when I make them. I say "I am just going to finish doing this task" and then 3 minutes later, I am off having a look at something completely unrelated. Surely there are people who would decide that they have adult ADHD, and try to get a prescription, or that maybe it's due to anxiety or depression, and there's a medication for that, etc. But I don't think this is something that requires "treatment" from Western medicine. It requires hard work. I became stuck like this in the past. And I am not truly stuck on all channels. Just some.

The two things I would like to address are:

  1. Why am I stuck on these channels? How can I understand it?
  2. What steps can I take to redirect?
It is entirely possible that the first question does not require answering.

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