09 October, 2013

The mark of progress

It's been two years since I started doing yoga in earnest. Oh, and yesterday was vinyasa with Ben Rae.

I can see the mark of progress. I am still me. I am still reshaping the dunes of my Samskara. But there is a subtle difference. Yoga has taught me that we can keep returning to the present moment. The intention of now. I used to live life like a child who, if they didn't like the first brush stroke, would tear up the entire drawing, and cry and then hate myself for tearing it up. I still get stuck in that thought pattern when things don't go the way I wish they'd gone. But I have become a little better at delaying the reaction. I can pause and ask what I really want. On a bad day I may struggle mightily. But my worst is probably better than my best used to be. I can also recognize much more quickly when the problem resides inside myself. Good indicator is if I have an extra hard time letting go if whatever it is. A colleague joked with me the other day at work, when he could see me getting worked up about something; he knows I do yoga. He said "Bob, you're falling out of the pose." Yep. Wise observation and wiser that he chose that metaphor, since he knew it would resonate with me.

This is the yoga.

It was weird being at urban today. Nice. Nostalgic. But also a little sad. Crowded. I am a visitor now. It's not home. I feel welcomed, but a little out of place. It was my community but I shied away from it. It is still nice to return. There were lots of familiar faces this night and I had a wonderful conversation with a fellow student with whim I'd previously in exchanged brief hellos.

Class was hard but not too hot. And Ben sure makes it interesting.

I will keep visiting. It is the place I discovered my mat. And it holds a special place in my heart (center).

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