01 September, 2013

For you and for everyone you meet

Today was Vinyasa with Jaime MacDonald at Open Doors.

"The yoga is not just for you... it's for everyone you meet."

Last night was a late night with friends. Still operating on west coast time in the evenings but east coast time in the mornings. That happens when I come home. Regardless of whether or not it was a good idea, I set my alarm for the 9am class because it's Jaime. Just like yesterday was Bill. They're my yoga family away from home. I am exaggerating a little, of course, since they barely know me. But there's a magical power of even minimal familiarity in different contexts. I heard someone say once that if we see a coworker in the hall whose name we don't know, we might only nod or smile. In the supermarket we might stop and chit chat for a few minutes. And if we saw them in another country we might have dinner together. Context is everything and we are always trying to find something to identify as our "clan."

I am in Boston. Looking out the window of Starbucks I see torrential rain. Part of me keeps clutching to the fact that Seattle is perfectly sunny and lamenting that my Labor Day weekend is here not there. Just as part of me is wishing I were spending time with people in Seattle who are dear to me instead of with people in Boston who are dear to me... But the sun... the rain... It's not the difference between okay and not okay. I think we get so attached to "blue is good" and "gray is bad" but it's just the sky.

Class today was much better than yesterday. I didn't feel perfect. But I didn't feel heaviness like yesterday. I really wonder how much my internal state affects my physical state. It's all so tied together that either can pull the other up or down. And the yoga is helping to dampen the magnitude of these oscillations. But sometimes the yoga is part of the cycle.

And I am just trying to keep it going.

When I stopped writing because it got hard, it didn't get easier. It just took me further out of touch. When the yoga gets hard I am just weathering the storm.

Jaime said today that it will not always be progress. Sometimes we will feel like we are moving backwards. But she offered this quote, which I am paraphrasing: "Before the arrow can find it's target, it must be drawn back." And that sometimes periods of stagnation or loss of ground are necessary regrouping periods for us to make the next big leap forward. In that sense, even a loss of commitment can be optimistically viewed as a step in the process toward some future deeper commitment informed by the knowledge gained through experimenting with stepping away from the commitment.

We are always on the path. Not just for ourselves. But for everyone we meet.

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