10 July, 2013

Disheartened... Briefly

Today was Power Vinyasa with Carley.

I should note that this was a Level 2 class. In some studios I have visited, that hasn't meant much. But, at Be Luminous, this is truly an advanced class.

I'd been excited about Carley's class for a week, since I planned out all my yoga classes on my Google calendar. That's what you do when you've got three weeks of free time and you're obsessed with yoga as I am. So I was disheartened when I found myself having a difficult, or even impossible time doing some parts of the class. The students in here were more advanced and were rocking their forearm balances and other contortionist moves. To accommodate these extra advanced poses we skipped a lot, like standing balance poses and seated stretches.

I was a sweaty sloppy mess and not feeling like I was "standing in my power." In some ways I even felt a little embarrassed, right there in the front row, creating a pond between me and Carley. I am sure none of this showed, but it was hard to feel dignity.

I stayed within my practice. And when the feeling of "disheartened" arose, I labeled it and moved on. I tried to understand how that might happen in my life. I am not sure it does. I don't know if I allow myself into such situations off the mat. Solidly past my edge. Out of my comfort zone.

One useful extrapolation is that I probably do not seem nearly as discombobulated as I feel. And, thus, I can probably assume that I am usually being harder on myself than anyone else would ever be on me.

Perhaps I need to go past the edge more often if the edge is to ever advance?

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