27 May, 2013

Not boot camp, but might as well have been

Today was Power Vinyasa with Vanessa.

Being Memorial Day, it was the only class offered today at Be Luminous. As such, it was very crowded in the room, and the humidity climbed precipitously as the class progressed. It reminded me of my early days in hotter wetter environments.

Vanessa's class would have been tough under any circumstances. It was a packed-agenda Baptiste series, with a few extra rounds of this and that on top of the usual sequences. We spent so much time on one leg during the balance poses, going from Half Moon to Airplane to Revolved Half Moon, and then supposedly back again (I lost track), that I ended up needing to modify and skip a rather significant chunk of it, because my form was just being compromised too much. The classes I've taken over the past few days in the Bay Area left me very sore, especially in my hamstrings, and it just didn't make sense to me to continue to make the hamstrings even sorer than they already are. I did what I could, and tried to maintain integrity.

At the start of class, Vanessa talked about setting an intention for the class. This was one of those days where nothing came to me. I had no intention available. It's rough when that occurs, because I feel like if I am unable to even define an intention then it will, by necessity, be difficult to work toward any sort of intention. I should probably have one on reserve. But what it probably speaks to at a higher level is that my head was not in the game of working toward intentions. There was clearly a willful kind of resistance to letting go and choosing, and then following it. And I suspect that may be part of the reason why the class was so difficult for me.

The one small victory I can claim today was that, in spite of the desire to really shut down, I regained composure, and didn't bail on the Wheel poses, although I very much wanted to bail. When she called out Wheel, I stayed on my back, thinking "Nope. Not doing Wheel." But now that I have started training myself to listen to that "No" voice, I immediately followed that thought with "Ok! Goddamn it! Yes, I am doing the Wheels. Alright? Alright? Are you happy now?!" And I did the Wheels. And, of course, they didn't hurt. And I survived. And I need to keep on myself with respect to that unjustified "letting off the hook" that I tend to do in that situation. Contrasting that with what I would consider the valid decision to modify in the middle of the class when my physical and actual experience was "My body cannot do this right now without compromising integrity." There's such a clear difference between the two things. But sometimes, in the moment, my mind has a hard time telling the difference.

Since I am complaining today, I will also add that the person in front of me, who was much closer than usual, due to the fullness of the room, had smelly feet. As my fatigue grew, and my concentration wavered, I began to become a touch irritated at the smelly feet, and with being occasionally kicked in the head by them.

But what can you do?

Sometimes life gives you roses. And sometimes life gives you things that are not roses.

No comments:

Post a Comment