24 October, 2012

Did I mention that it hurts?

Today was Power Vinyasa with Sean.

I had to take Low Cobra today. And I will probably have to take more and more of them if I want to keep doing this, because the shoulder is back in the land of the bad again. It hurts just about as much as it has ever hurt. I don't understand why. I have worked on my form, I am trying to be mindful and aware of the movement of my body. I want to conclude that my body just has "issues," but there's another part of me that says that is a story that I am telling myself. And I am not sure how to know the difference. We discussed this during the book reading last weekend, as well. How do you know the difference between "letting yourself off the hook" versus "listening to your body?" There's this belief that you'll know the truth in your heart. Or that if you quiet down and listen, it will be more clear. But, in the meantime, there's still the practice. There's still this body, hurting, and telling me what I think sounds like "back the fuck off." Okay, so it's not as difficult of a question as I was making it out to be. I am not letting myself off the hook. I think, perhaps, the lesson here is that I default toward the hardest possible perception of myself. The judgment of self and others. The tendency to want to abuse (self and others) rather than to be gentle, compassionate, accepting. To punish (self and others) for not measuring up to whatever arbitrary standard is on the table for tonight's discussion. And you see that right here, this absolutism.

It was my first time in Sean's class. It was a nice combination of humor and hard work. And it was another of those rare, and interesting experiences of taking a yoga class with someone whom I have met and spoken with prior to taking their class. That is always a different vibe, perhaps for no other reason than it being the opposite of how things usually go.

A very nice class.

But the body not cooperating.

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