15 October, 2012

The work is always right there waiting for you

Today was Hatha with Patrick.

I had taken four days off, I believe. We'd contemplated the idea of doing yoga together in Chicago, but the schedule didn't really permit it, and I also figured my body could continue to use some more rest. Italy feels like a million years ago, now, and I would have to actually do math and check a calendar to remember how long ago it was. I think I returned on September 26th? So I guess it's not even a month.

The rest was needed, but I probably lacked some elements of the kind of rest which were key, namely extra sleep. And I assume that flying on an airplane probably does a fair bit of damage to me every time, with the general stiffness of sitting all that time, combined with whatever effect the pressurization has on arthritic joints.

The Hatha felt good, and I was surprised to find that Patrick went really easy on us with the heat (for some reason). The room was neither as hot, nor as humid as typical (I have stopped recording temperatures and humidity, because I decided, after initial amusement, that it was sort of pointless and a tad obnoxious to be reporting it in the blogs).

Patrick did most of the class with us, which always amazes me. How can someone do an intense practice, involving challenging balance poses, like Natarajasana, while giving instruction through all stages of the pose. Some of these poses practically require regular breath to navigate into them, which must mean that he's either finding a way to breath and talk, or he's just hella strong and doing the poses without breath. Either way, it's a source of wonder.

It was good to be back in a yoga class. I'm still having a bit of an existential "thing" right now. I toyed with the idea of ceasing this blog, but then was reminded (and reminded myself, as well) that this is the time when I need to force myself to do it, because there's obviously something here that I'm trying to run away from. Is it boredom? Is it tedium? Is it fear? Challenge? Discomfort? Uncertainty?

I also found myself (and was called out for) being on a slightly downward trajectory, emotionally, over the last few weeks. I suspect it's a combination of seasonal changes, and the reality check of not being in Italy, where all I need to worry about was yoga, and dinner.

But here's the work, right? It's right here. I can run away from it, or I can face it. But running away won't make it go away. It will be right there waiting for me.

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