19 October, 2012

A bit lost

Today was Power Vinyasa with Elizabeth Thomas.

I was really happy to be here at Elizabeth's class today. I am liking this slow feeling of new familiarity, easing into a place that was first exciting because of the novelty, and is now taking on a softer welcoming feeling, as I get to know the people, and some of the instructors start to recognize me as well. Of course, I make it rather obvious, my presence, being that I tend to plop my mat down directly in front of the instructor (not really sure why I do that, actually, and it was never the case at Urban Yoga Spa, but has been the case in most other places where I've practiced). I could venture to guess that it has to do with connection above all else, but who knows what's going on in that brain.

Though I was happy to be there, I felt heavy. My shoulder has been hurting, and I have been resisting modifications. I don't know that I've put my knees down on 3 Chaturangas in the past month, even though my shoulder has been hurting progressively more. There's a resistance in me. I talked about it in class. I guess it's ego, but I don't think it's coming from a place of trying to impress. I think it's coming from a place of not wanting to be gentle and nurturing with myself for some reason. I won't let up. But I need to find a way to get lightness back in. Just staying in High Plank for brief holds, I feel quite fatigued in shoulders and triceps. Could be the weather change? Could be not sleeping well? Could be lots of things.

I am in a phase where the body is telling me things I don't want to hear. And, along those lines, I have been resisting even setting down to write about it. But finally, here I am.

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