18 September, 2012

Se si aspetta, i gatti verranno a voi

Today was Power Vinyasa with Sue.

The final class of the this retreat. We only had one class today since we took a longish day trip to Cortona. I got way too little sleep last night, and the energy started waning on the ride back from Cortona. Cannot say that I felt up for a vigorous practice, but also did not want the last one to be weak, so I just came prepared to do whatever it was, to the best of my ability. I think everyone was in the same boat. And it also was a bit emotional, being the last class. We all know this is it.

The practice was done in reasonably low lighting. Things were very mellow. We did some flow, and some balance, and then some restorative floor work. It was the right mix. I could feel the energy in the room. It was a bit heavy. Sue mentioned after class that she could sense it, and that our sequence was driven by that.

Near the end of class, during the stretching, I found myself not wanting to make the transition from one pose to the next. I felt like each pose should be longer. And it was not, I don't think, because I needed particularly more of any stretch today than any other day. I think that I was not wanting to move onward, because each transition meant we were closer to the end. So I granted myself a couple of lingers. I skipped a seated wide-leg split, allowing myself to stay in a hip and hamstring stretch a little longer.

At the end of class, Sue dimmed the lights, as we were doing final stretches on our backs. We did a supine twist to the right. Then we did a supine twist to the left. Then, just like that, Savasana. And I didn't want to leave that supine twist. I stayed in it, telling myself I needed a little bit more of that stretch. But, as I did, I realized that I did not want to move to Savasana. I was resisting it. I didn't want it to be over and, as long as I stayed in that supine twist, the yoga retreat was not over. As I realized this, I started to cry. Not one or two tears, like the earlier time in the week. This time, they were instantly streaming, and I felt that stuffy congestion, and burning sensation in my nose. I recognized that this can't last forever. This moment, as is the case with all other moments, must pass. I cannot cling to it, and make it not go away. I will always have the memories, and feelings that went along with them. But I need to let go of this. That is what yoga is really teaching us. To let go. Of our tightness. Of our pain. Of the beliefs that no longer serve us. Of expectations. Of any illusion that we really have control. The best that we can do is to become experts at letting go quickly, without undue drama. And as this thought washed over me, in a span of maybe only 5 or 10 seconds, I slowly rolled back to center and on to my back.


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