30 September, 2012

Anything and everything

Today was Vinyasa with Heidi.

It's nice to take a class with a friend teaching, because there's a sense that you're a little bit on the inside of their world as they teach, evidenced by the smiles or glances with whatever meaning laid on top of them. Class shouldn't have been difficult, as it was a pretty mellow Baptiste flow, almost textbook. But it was still a challenge for me, because my hips are a little bit sore, and because my body is still not liking the heat, as has been the case since returning from the trip. Today was again around 99 degrees, peak of 75% humidity, and it was the latter that got to me in the second half of the class, with sensation that I really couldn't breathe as much as I wanted to breathe.

Today, I began the dismantling of my aquariums. I have been keeping cichlids for about 3 years now. It started off as an obsession. First I bought one 55 gallon tank, and obsessed over every element of both the hardware and the fish. Every waking minute was spent thinking about how to "do it right." I wanted the right fish, the right filters, the right water conditions. I read every web page, and searched every forum. And it was almost maniacal, the degree to which I obsessed. Then, I decided to get a second 55 gallon tank, so I could do it again, with a different twist. I bred fish, I ordered fish online, and it was ever-more elaborate. I had a small 5 gallon tank that I used for sequestering babies. The whole deal.

Then, over time, I started to lose interest. I felt like other things were more important, and more interesting. The fish tanks became a burden, and often went uncared for, longer than was a good idea. The tanks would get into rough shape, and I would need to do brutal cleaning jobs to bring them back into order again.

Finally, I decided to stop doing the fish thing. And today was the day that I gave away my first fish, on Craigslist. And there will be many more rounds of unloading the many fish I have.

The thing that comes to mind is the "How you do anything is how you do everything." I don't know how that applies to the aquariums, and I am not sure I like the metaphor for my life. Do I go all in? 100% on everything I do, only to ultimately slack off, let things fall into ruin, and see them as a burden, finally dumping them to the lowest bidder? Is that how I have taken care of my home? Is that how I manage my friendships? Is that how I do my job? Is that what happens in my relationships?

Something to think about.

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