20 August, 2012

Bringing it

Today was Power Vinyasa with Gordy.

I was worried that my body was too tired, and that it might be a bad idea to do a Power class today. But, to quote Tom Cruise's character, Joel, in "Risky Business," sometimes you just gotta say "What the fuck?" So, I showed up, and I brought the fire. And it was actually a good class. The first 20 minutes of class was very difficult, with a lot of Plank holds, followed almost immediately by Side Planks, and Bellies of the Beasts. Tough stuff. But I stayed focused, stayed in my body, and had a really good class.

I've noticed that there are layers of stillness. This is not the first time I have mentioned this. But what I've noticed now is that there are different kinds of "quiet mind." I have really made great strides at quieting the body. That's a space where I feel I've grown immensely. The next layer seems to be quieting the mind's desire to grant free passes or excuses for the body. That's a harder one, but I am making a little headway in that area. But the hardest one, for me anyway, is the next layer. That's just the idle mind-spinning about whatever, whether it be work, life, the conditions of the room. The racing mind. I feel like I've sort of got that mind quarantined now from the body, but not entirely, you see. Even though I don't, for the most part, allow the mind to allow my body conscious deflection, I think this racing mind is causing the body to experience unconscious badness, i.e. racing heart, panicky feeling, extra fatigue, anger. All of these things feedback negatively into the yoga practice.

Gordy talked a lot today about enjoying the complete peaceful stillness washing over us. But I was feeling my heart beating harder than it should be, and a bit of an anxiety-like sensation. So, his words of total Zen-ness were actually agitating me further, because I couldn't understand why I wasn't able to achieve that stillness. I tried to return to the breath and make that anxiety subside, but it's hard to slow down once adrenaline is in the system. One needs to stop it before it starts to experience the ultimate calmness.

Just something to think about.

But not during class.

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