14 July, 2012

Anticipation is making me wait

Today was 90 minutes of Power Vinyasa with Odessa.

After class, I pointed out to Odessa that I'd been mentally preparing myself for her class for the previous 2-3 days, knowing how hard it was going to be, and psyching myself up for the experience. Truth is, that's a slight exaggeration. I was not really preparing myself. I was merely reflecting on it, thinking ahead to the experience. I didn't do any kind of visualization that might have productively prepared me, not that preparation was necessarily in order.

Odessa asked me why I didn't just not think about it ahead of time, and just show up, and enjoy it. I was being funny. She was being funny. But the point was well-taken. I know that thinking about future challenges, aside from actually preparing for them, is just being somewhere other than the moment. Yet I do it. Even when it comes to yoga. It shouldn't surprise me, I guess. Yoga is a pretty good mirror for everything in our lives, so it stands to reason that I will even do my usual "stuff" when it comes to yoga "the plan," as well as yoga "the practice."

Class was hard, but it was nice practicing among a group of familiar faces. New friends. This community is why I want to be here. It's what makes me feel so committed to it. I should also say that it's for my own internal growth, and that is true. But I am a very social person. I like seeing friendly faces, and having those connections. I am willing to endure a grueling workout, dehydration, fatigue, occasional muscle cramps, and skin problems in order to have this.

And it's truly unlike anything I've ever had. I like knowing my instructors, being friendly with them. It feels really nice to have these wonderful people in my life who are my guides, but we can also share a smile during class, and share a conversation or a drink outside of class, too.

I've talked about how things are shifting a number of times. I don't so much feel like I am in an active shift right now, so much as settling in to the aftermath of a series of shifts that have occurred. I am now in a different place. It's time to be in it, and see what it feels like, and take a look around and try to understand who I am in this new place.

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