17 June, 2012

Don't do that

Just one forgotten snippet from this morning:

During class today, my shoulder had been feeling pretty good, after a few days of really hurting. I seem to have found some magical "trick" to alleviate the discomfort in Chaturanga, by placing my hands a little bit wider on the mat than I typically place them. It makes me wonder if I am always placing them too close together (may be time for another Basics class).

Near the end of class, we did a Bridge pose, followed by two sets of either Bridge or Wheel. I had taken Bridge on the first of those two sets, telling myself that I had better be kind, especially considering how much Wheel had hurt my shoulder a few days ago. But then something (not good) happened. And I knew it was happening. In my Bridge, I had glanced around the room, and noticed that maybe only one person was taking Wheel, and it wasn't a very full expression of the pose (you can tell where this is going). I know I've got "a better Wheel" than that (asinine, likely untrue and, at any rate, a total oxymoron). And, as a result, I decided I wanted to take Wheel on the final set.

So I did it.

And it didn't hurt. But I knew when I was doing it, I was being insincere in some very important way. I knew that my motivation was that I wanted the instructor to know that I have a Wheel in my practice. What's worse is that it was actually driven by the flip side of that: I didn't want the instructor to think I didn't have Wheel in my practice. There was also probably some ancillary desire for everyone in the class to see me rocking Wheel.

It was so strange, because I knew exactly what I was doing, and I knew exactly why I was doing it, and I also knew that it was potentially (with significant risk) harmful to my own well-being. And I went ahead and did it anyway. The perceived reward outweighed the potential risk.

There's a shitload of work to be done on that one.

No comments:

Post a Comment