15 May, 2012

The (temporary) pit of despair

Today was Hatha with Diane.

First of all, no offense whatsoever intended to Diane with that title. Today was just not my day. All the aches are aching, and all the modifications I could muster didn't seem to make a difference.

Yoga is supposed to feel good, right? At the moment it feels bad. I feel bad. And at the end of class, in Savasana I felt a huge weight draping down over my psyche. It felt all-encompassing. In spite of the sun, a good job, a good life, I felt heavy. In that moment, I started the tiny "what ifs" of "What if I am slipping into depression? What if my injuries persist? What if? What if? What if?" After a few minutes alone on the mat I told myself "You know there is nothing wrong. You know this is temporary. It will pass."

I took a shower and went down to the lobby. It was already dissipating. Twenty minutes later, I feel like the heaviness is actually my sinuses. It is not the proverbial "weight of the world."

There will be days, hours, weeks, maybe, or moments, maybe, of "The Downs." Perhaps practice will help me see them for what they are.


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