29 May, 2012

Desperately in the breath

Today was Power Vinyasa with Rob.

It was quite a crowded room, day after holiday, and there was a strong sense of the collective energy. The class had a good tempo, and was not too hot.

For the past few days, I have been feeling a sense of "separateness." I am not sure if it is self-induced, or circumstantial. But I just have felt like I am floating along, not connected. I suspect it has to do with the juxtaposition of the previous weekend in Port Townsend. That weekend was all about connection.

In any case, knowing this was going on in me, I tried to overemphasize focus on breath, almost coaxing myself out of the inward obsession through my breath. I found that a) it kind of worked, for at least 45 minutes of the class, and b) placing that much focus on breath and committing to it actually turns the flow into something that makes a lot more sense. I would venture to say that I am normally not breathing enough in class.

All these perceptions of connectedness, separateness, even happiness, sadness, are often mediated entirely internally. The world around us may be unchanged, yet we transition from state to state. On one hand, I wish I understood better how that is happening.

But on the other hand, I am not sure if I would like what I see. I recognize that "practice" sometimes exposes us to things we don't want to see.

Not feeling so fearless today.

But there's always tomorrow...

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