19 March, 2012

What does "rest when you need to" mean?

Today was Power Vinyasa with Jo.

Once again I got escorted by Kathy to the hot part of the room. I might as well stop trying to put myself by the door. Maybe reverse psychology would work?

We were rotated 90 degrees again today. And that was the only thing about that class that was 90 degrees (attempt at humor). The class had over 80 people in it and was HARD!

That brings me to my topic for the day: teachers always say "rest when you need to rest" but I am not sure I actually know when I need to rest. Mostly I try to stick with it. Sometimes I fall behind. Sometimes I drop my knees. Sometimes I forward fold between poses. But rarely do I flat-out take a Savasana mid-series.

Today, finally, I did. We had done flow after flow, with Crescent Lunges, twists, Low Lunges, more twists, Chairs, etc. Finally we hit a point where I was so dizzy and lightheaded that I honesty thought I was going to collapse. Do I take a rest? I don't know. Is that "needing" a rest or is that the magical moment of "the work begins when you want it to end?"

How do I know? How can I be sure?

I am trying to learn and test my limits but I don't fully know that what is "need" for me is "need" for you or anyone else. And I guess it doesn't matter.

I finally did take that Savasana.

I managed not to get down on myself over it. It just seemed like if I am nearly collapsing I am probably "there." When I got back up we were on Eagle and I was still so spent I could not even stand on one leg and wrap, I was so dizzy and shaky. Normally Eagle is one I can do without much effort. So I guess that was my limit.

When I came out of the class I was feeling like Jo is too hard and thinking about how I might avoid her from now on. But a little while later, my thoughts shifted; now I guess I am looking forward to my next Vinyasa class with Jo. Because she guided me toward that edge. The one I am most afraid of. The one where I need to rest. Full. On. Rest. Running away from Jo's class is saying "I don't like that... I think I won't test that limit." I don't want to live like that. I want to go right back at it.

Fearless.

I want to be fearless.

(while I am not sure when to rest, the dog always knows when to go downward)

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