27 March, 2012

What am I thinking?

Today was Hatha with Jo, followed immediately by Vinyasa Basics with Jo.

Okay, so what the hell am I thinking, right? The last several days, growing awareness that rest is due. General concern that I might be just a slight tad obsessed with going every day. So, of course, what does one do in this situation? The opposite of what reason would suggest, of course. 

But wait! Let me explain...

Today, I went with the full intention of taking a Hatha class. And I also had full intention of taking Wednesday (or Thursday, or both) off. The thing is, I knew there was this brand-new class starting tonight. I was really curious about it, and also interested to be there for the first one. Ugh. As I type it, I hear the addict-speak. I remember an earlier time in my life, where I was obsessed with a certain computer game (I won't say which one, but suffice it to say that my homeland in the game was "Darnassus" and one of my special abilities was invisibility). And, when I was at the peak of my obsession, I could always find a reason to play more. Even if I'd decided that I needed to step away from it, there would be some unavoidable, unmissable, too-good-to-be-true justification for playing "just a little more." 

And so it is with the hot yoga right now. I had to be there for Jo's first Power Vinyasa Basics class. In spite of the fact that I'd already done Hatha, and dropped about 5 pounds of sweat. In spite of an injured shoulder that, honestly, didn't even feel fantastic doing modified Chaturanga, never mind regular ones. 

It probably sounds like I'm being pretty hard on myself. And I guess I am. But it's because I don't understand why I'm in this mode. Am I afraid of something? Am I afraid that if I miss a day, somehow I'll be "off my game" and start missing 3 days a week? 5 days a week? Quitting yoga? I suppose there are positive interpretations of my actions. Maybe I just love it, and I don't want to miss a day? 

I must say... I enjoyed every minute of Jo's Hatha class tonight. It was very well-paced, the room was quite comfortable (hot, but good). Things didn't hurt. My knees were good. My shoulder was good. Of course, I have taken a bit of ibuprofen in the last 24 hours, and it was warmer outside which always makes my joints feel better. 

It was just good.

So I decided, "What the hell?" I will stick around and do the second class. I'd heard that it wasn't going to be as hot as a regular class (it wasn't) and I assumed it would be relatively mellow because it was an instructional class (and it was). I didn't suffer any great physical insults from doing the double. 

But I think the only thing I really satisfied by sticking around for a second class today was my curiosity about what the class would be like. It was interesting to have mirror at our side. I got to see how my Downward Dog looked (not bad). I got to see what adjustments are necessary to be in a truly flat back for Halfway Lift. I got to spend some long, deep time in Warrior I and Low Lunge (both poses reminding me just how far I've come, and also how far there is to go). Jo gave a reading about patience, and about how we need to allow ourselves to develop at a natural rate, not to rush things. Seems apropos.

It was a good class.

But my body didn't really need to do two classes today. My body needed rest.

As such, I am putting my clothes and towels in the washing machine now. All of them. And I am not staying awake to put things into the dryer. I will have no dry towels or shorts. This is what is referred to as "extreme measures." 

No yoga clothes = no yoga.

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