We practice with a focus on learning to let go of our
attachments and expectations, to move toward a real freedom that comes with
openness and being in the moment. Right? But, for some reason, I find that the
hardest things to let go of are not the “real suffering,” the attachments
during tough times, or the reactions to major stressors in my life. I am
actually doing quite well in those areas, and seeing myself having taken huge
strides forward. The place where I am seeing myself struggle is around those
things one might call “pet peeves.”
An example: I have a colleague who is not a particularly
strong contributor at work. Not only are they not productive, but they end up
wasting a lot of people’s time, and the net effect is to bring down morale in
our organization. I’ve become somewhat obsessed with the “When are they gonna
get rid of this guy?” thoughts. It’s tapping deep into my “River of Shoulds” (I
just made up that expression). Why should he get to keep working here? Why
should we have to put up with this? They should do something about it. I
shouldn’t have to deal with this. The thing is, I am not actually impacted by
his presence in any substantive way. He does not block my work. He does not
affect my performance. I allow him to be a distraction through my own obsession
with his outcome. And I find it hard to let go of this attachment. I will call
this a “pet peeve,” and I think it’s a perfect example of why we use the word “pet,”
because some part of me (the “ego” perhaps) doesn’t want to let go of it. A pet
peeve is an irritation that we love to be irritated by. As such, I think that
the pet peeve probably reveals more about me than it does about the object of
the peeving. True, in this case, I am not the only one griping about it. But
that’s just a case of this being a common area that people get “stuck.” The
area of others getting away with something when we can’t/don’t/wouldn’t do it
ourselves.
I want to be able to be free from suffering (supposedly… I
mean, that’s why I’m doing yoga, at least partially) but I don’t want to let go
of this pet peeve that induces completely unnecessary suffering and distraction
in my life.
So I would assert that pet peeves are the perfect place to
practice, because it’s a fairly low stakes situation, but it’s deeply rooted in
the kind of attachments that are truly serving us no good. For me to say I want
to let go of the big stuff, but continue sweating this small stuff feels like a
short cut. I am running ahead in this marathon of an inner journey, but
somewhere, back around Mile 3, my shoe lace got snagged on a twig, and I’m going
to keep tripping as a result.
Can I let go of this? Can I decide that this peeve doesn’t
serve me? I don’t think this means I need to be Mother Teresa and try to help
the floundering to succeed. But I could, perhaps, practice radical acceptance.
This is what’s happening, after all. And I don’t have control over it.
Perhaps our pet peeves are about our desires to have a sense
of artificial control over things that we cannot possibly control at all.
Perhaps they’re roadblocks we create for ourselves, to avoid ever getting to
the big scary stuff. So it would stand to reason, if I ever want to tackle the
bigger, scarier stuff, I need to be able to let go here.